I started wondering why live ?? what is the purpose of god to create human beings ?? the saying "each day we live ,we are actually one step closer to death" is apt . As far as i know , life is full of obstacles and challenges and we have to endure them with resilient. Hell yeah its easier to be said than to be done . when obstacles or challenges approach , how many of us are able to fight till the end ??
I know life without obstacles = no life . but at this moment i sincerely hoped that life is just simple and full of happiness . No death, no seperation and no saying goodbyes . I HATE saying goodbye !! I first had this hatred of bidding farewell during NS , the program forced us to get together and bond with each other and after 3 months of forging a strong friendship together, the program again separates us forcefully. No one and NOTHING alive last forever . Farewell is a part and parcel of life . It somehow feels like boarding a train, when you reach one stop, you alight , but after sometimes it is time to move on, to proceed to the next stop. This is an on-going process , we meet ,we chat , we hangout and we leave . THIS IS LIFE.
And the story begins....
One of my best friend was diagnosed with leukemia last Saturday9/11/13 . actually by that time was just suspected leukemia but the possibility is about 90% i was left in shock and devastation i never had before . For the whole week since we came back from matrix , all i know is she was having anemia and the anemia seems to turn to leukemia ! i mean leukemia is some kind of blood cancer where the white blood cell is abnormal . LEUKEMIA never in life i ever thought that this monster could invade my love ones especially my best friend who is just 18 years old where life is just about to start . That saturday, the world seems to revolve in a weird kind of way. Reality just doesnt seems real..... i called and called for the whole afternoon until she picked up her phoneat night .
The moment she picked up her phone, i cried . i know i am not suppose to cry but be stronger than the one who is enduring it. But i just couldn't hold back my tears. Her voice, gave me a sense of relief after trying to reach her for the whole afternoon. and somehow it triggers the tear duct in a way i dont know how :0 . we talked for half an hour . we could have talked waaay much longer but she sounds tired and i feel bad if i continue to bother her when she needs rest the most . and that phone call, was the most heart wrenching ever. every word i say , i have to think and think and think, filter,filter and filter just in case i said something that weren't suppose to be spoken . Its the first time facing this kind of incident , i thought it only happens in drama . but this is real, GODDAMN REAL !!
why??? i started to wonder . and flashbacks have been flooding through my memory lane . too much memories with her since f2. She has been my best friend for nearly 5 years. She is the one i gone through high school life with . and she is the one who i spent most of the time with during schooling times . However what makes me feel bad the most is after we went to matrix. She got her friend and i got mine. Plus we are staying quite far away and different class. So basically we don't talk much or i can say we don't talk at all?
The most sarcastic part is what the human mind thinks" since we are studying in the same school, there is no purpose to call them or text them . Shall talk to them when we randomly meet in school." trust me this kind of talk never happens and even if it happened , by that time you would've forgot what you wanted to say . DON'T REPEAT MY MISTAKE !! be the initiator , be the first to talk !! Maintaining a friendship needs some effort . Don't wait for the other side to act. if u appreciate your friendship, take the first step .
I've always thought that friends will be with us forever especially when we are still so young and healthy and happy and strong ! But when the feeling that someone we love is going to leave us strikes, you could not imagine how heart-breaking it is.. But my friend is the strongest and toughest girl on earth!! she accepted this news with courage and she is positive minded .She is NOT AFRAID of leukemia and is ready to start a battle anytime :) i feel so proud for her !! GOGOGO !!
so 13.11.13 i went to visit her for the first time since she admitted to the hospital with a friend from kuantan.* i seriously am not a good friend to have* A3.3.4 was her room number . she was wearing a mask, she had a high fever and her chemotheraphy will be starting tomorrow or a day after depending on her health condition . My heart nearly shattered. seeing her lying wearily on her bed . she looked pale and tired , very very tired. I chatted with her but she was dozing on and off throughout the conversation. Everytime her eyes closes , my heart nearly stopped , afraid that she will fall asleep . she barely had the energy to talk so mostly it is me who did the talking . but i dont't talk much like i usually do , as she was tired. even nodding her head or replying seems tough. I can't bare to see her suffer. so eventually i stopped talking . There are so many things that i wanted to tell her . But i just can't .I bet i am not brave enough. even talking to her alone makes me wanna cry *useless me*..
after visiting about one hour, she was too tired to talk anymore and eventually fell asleep .seeing her sleeping so quiet and peaceful makes my heart warm, i could just sit there and watch her sleep all day long :) i love her so so much. There is nothing i can do but to pray hard for her speed recovery . i still believe in the power of God :)
P.S I Love You , Xin Ying <3 p="">
Went to kek lok si with Matrix friends and prayed for xin ying :)
*Off*
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